When you are pro-war even the abortion doctors call you "baby-killer."

2004-05-11

My Ears are Ringing

I keep posting because I hate going to sleep. I hate being really tired, but the process of "sleeping" really annoys me. I have always had trouble falling asleep, over-active brain I guess.

I can't stop thinking about stuff. It's like being stuck in Waterworld, but only its being fast-forwarded and it seemlessly blends with Dances with Wolvesa and then The Postman.

It may also be due to my worsening nerve-deafness. My ears are ringing, in two different tones/frequencies, right now. I can sometimes hear it over very loud background noise (loud TV, forklifts and general light industrial noise). It gets so bad I sometimes wince from it, as the intense ringing rises and falls in volume inside my head.

I am also become averse to loud noises and have a hard time understanding speech. I can hear people talking, but the noises are like gunshots repeatedly firing next to my ears or I just hear garbled noises.

Living in the South doesn't help, especially with the occasional thick redneck accent. I sometimes just nod and say "yeah" or "sure" and have no clue what was just said.

Even my music is driving me crazy. I can't stand certain music anymore, its actually annoying to listen to. It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't have this problem, like trying to describe being blind to someone who can merely close their eyes and yet still see flashes of light - not the same as absolute blindness I imagine.

My (adopted) mother had the same problem and now I empathize with her when the background noise would drive her crazy and she had the TV turned WAY up. I do the same thing. I can thank my biological father for this, and future vascular disease-related problems.

Pretty soon I won't be able to use a phone, it's already barely comfortable as it is now. At least I can already touch-type reasonably well and fast. I wonder if I qualify for disability...