When you are pro-war even the abortion doctors call you "baby-killer."

2003-12-20

Spooky Christmas

Okay I don't really know which way to go on this ghost story over at FOXNews.com. Basically a security camera at Hampton Court Palace caught someone opening a fire door, only the figure is dressed in a strange draping robe and has a unnaturally bright face.

On the one hand the image looks pretty creepy, on the other hand it seems rather odd that a crummy security camera would be able to capture such an image, with adequate lighting, in a perfect composition.

Without seeing a larger image or actual moving video clips I will lean towards fake/hoax/publicity stunt. However I am a firm believer in the supernatural based on past real-world experiences that have no logical scientific explanation.

2003-12-19

Saving Iraq

Okay so we got Saddam, shut down the torture/rape chambers and let the kids out of kiddie prison. That's all well and good. Now some twit wants to send Iraqi women some sensual aids. I concede that women in Iraq weren't treated very well, but Iraq was way more cosmopolitan than say Afghanistan, guys.

Why should we be promoting sexuality without balancing it with birth control and even abstinence? We saved them from Saddam and will now usher them into the 21st century with socially acceptable promiscuous sex, which leads to the spread of STDs and even AIDS. After that some twit will want to open a Planned Parenthood office and — you just watch — an abortion clinic to take care of all the unwanted pregnancies the newly sexually liberated Iraqi women must now contend with.

So we saved the Iraqi people so they be free to begin fucking like wild dogs and murdering their unborn babies guilt free. Talk about unintended consequences.

Not Another Movie Recommendation

I generally don't do movie recommendations because watching and liking movies is a very personal thing. Someone may not like 28 days later and you thought it was the best movie ever. Someone may not like The English Patient and you might think it's a mirror of your life (sure, right). However I am pointing out these movies because you may not have come across them before.

If you like coming of age, introspective "who am I" movies (like Ferris Bueller's Day of) then find SLC Punk! and watch it (features Annabeth Gish, Reyes from the X-Files). It's on Amazon, but they leave the ! off for some reason. I saw it on IFC a long time ago several times and I loved it, but my wife was quote "bored" watching just a little portion of it.

I also recommend Happy Accidents for anyone who liked Serendipity.

I also recommend Not Another Teen Movie if you were perhaps turned off the teen-movie-satire genre by Scary Movie et al. It's much better and not as over-the-top-so-as-to-be-not-funny as Scary Movie(s).

Movie Recommendation

If you have IFC (Independent Film Channel) there is a movie coming on at 8 PM here (MST time zone anyway) called "Happy Accidents" that I highly recommend. I won't go into details, but it features Vincent D'Onofrio and Marisa Tomei and revolves around two people meeting and one of them claiming to be something really outrageous while the other things they are fucking nuts despite them both having instant chemistry with each other.

Make sure you watch all the way to the end to "get" the movie. It will all make sense. Trust me. Good movie.

TV's Naughtiest BLEEP

That's not a very good title is it? What does the BLEEP stand for? SHIT? CRAP? FORESKIN? WHO KNOWS!

The reason bloopers are funny is 1. they weren't supposed to happen (duh) and 2. the particular words/phrases people are saying that they shouldn't be.

So what is the point of having a bunch of bloopers where some guy walks up behind some talking head news guy and yells BEEP? What did he say that was so off color? Well BLEEP that, then. Worthless BLEEPS. See how stupid that is?

And yet these shows have no compunction about rolling out clips people getting blown up, smacked in the groin by a small child with a large hammer or a so-called wildlife expert assclown getting mauled by a large animal.

It's not like you can't use fuck on regular TV anymore. Thanks Bono.

And I swear they have showed bare breasts at least twice on CSI (CBS). Even worse, on TechTV's Wired For Sex show (on around 7 PM here) they featured a dildo shop, in San Francisco naturally, with numerous oversized man-shaped objects sitting upright on a shelf in plain view — ironically they blur out entire bare asses or bare breasts (technically only the nipple must be obscured) on the same show.

Which is it TV people? Some cuss words or all cuss words? Some nudity (NYPD Blue showing guy's asses) or equal opportunity full-frontal nudity within reason, topless women only after 8 PM for example?

I'm not kidding, pony up bitches!

WTF? Where are all you people on a Friday? Christmas shopping? Spending money on people other than me? How am I supposed to get a 1/6th scale RC Tank without generous micro-payments on my birthday? Jerks.

Fine. I will remember this.

GIVE ME MONEY!

It's my birthday today. Really. It is. I'm not kidding.

I am now 30. Ugh! THIRTY! THREE O!

I am no longer in my crazy-wild-free 20's.

To help me deal with this I offer the best cure, giving me money!

I was nice and left the amount empty so you can give me as MUCH as you would like. I will put these funds towards getting me a 1/6th scale RC Tank from WALMART that they only seem to have in a different state than the one I am in now. Bastards.

Okay enough about me. Read some of the blogs on the blogroll, this has been a slow week.

This is actually a joke, but hey if you really want to give me money that's fine.

2003-12-18

BTW

Tomorrow is my birthday. The big 3-0. No more being in my "twenties." Blah blah blah.

We shall see if I am any taller, thinner or more attractive to women tomorrow.

I hate Cell Phones

I got a call while driving down the freeway and part-time parking lot, but the caller ID said "Unavailable." At least that's what it said when I finally got the notices that I missed two phone calls. I checked there was only one missed call today, from "Unavailable," and also one from my friend which isn't at all accurate because I answered the phone, three times (my phone or hers dropped the call twice).

I'm all for making new technologies and releasing them on the public. But please let's get them to actually work as well. If my phone has to be 15% larger to get it to reliably handle a call in a large metropolitan area and get caller ID to work properly and not claim I missed calls that went through fine, but were dropped (twice) that's okay.

And really why do I need a tip calculator and "games" on my cell phone? For tips just double the tax while games on such a tiny device are pointless and very short-lived. Plus I am usually at home with a $3k computer with way better video games (and an Internet full of full color/motion pr0n) or driving somewhere and can't play games on a tiny little screen.

Day of the Dead

Ever have a really long, totally terrifying dream based on horror movie concepts?

I did last night/this morning. It was almost bad enough to not want to ever fall asleep again.

Basically if you saw the movie 28 days later that is essentially what I dreamt I was in the middle of, with some custom embelishments. A full bore "it's the end of the world, save yourself" themes — with gratuitous firearm usage.

I'm sure deep inside I have some kind of intense fear of being blocked in, being trapped and targeted by person's wanting to kill me and such. Anyone who was paying attention on Sept. 11, 2001 can relate I would guess.

Add in an irrational fear of the undead and being eaten alive (I grew up watching Day of the Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Night of the Comet et al.) and you have a long running narrative of pure terror and helplessness that I can't escape from.

I hate dreams like that.

2003-12-16

You're Phat Right Thar

Okay is it wrong for some HUGELY overweight white guy to walk into Taco Bell and order about three-people's worth of food while wearing a GIANT t-shirt that says "PHAT" across the chest in bright red letters?

I thought so.

I love this country

This is a great country, there is already a captured Saddam-looking action figure available.

This guy is going to be busy for a while.

2003-12-15

RC Tanks

There are a lot of people making their own 1/6 scale RC tanks, lucky bastards.

I LIKE TOYS!

While at WAL*MART during my Southern Comfort 2003 tour sponsored by Corona Extra and Southwest airlines I saw the most awesome toy ever. a GIANT remote control tank toy. By giant I mean HUGE, the box said 1:6 scale. It was even larger than the RC Hummer toy someone put on layaway. I so wanted to get one.

I forget which type of tank it was, but it was an older model — not an Abrams.

There is a large park next to the elementary school down the road that my daughter went to for a little while. I would love to "invade" the park one day, climbing up out of the basin holding soccer fields up to the playground. My own personal D-Day. Heheheheh.

I don't remember seeing those tanks in my local WAL*MART, I should recheck. If they have one it will be VERY hard to resist after I send in my next CC payment to NOT get one of em. Damn!

2003-12-14

Back Home

Yeah so I am back home today. It's really cold in here so if I mistype it's because I am shivering.

Both flights to and from were delayed by weather in other parts of the country. The flight out Friday had a female pilot, which I believe was my first. I am not certain, but I think the left turn signal was on for most of the 3-hour flight. And on approach we circled Nashville for one full loop, I guess she couldn't make up her mind where she wanted to land. I dunno. Maybe the air traffic controller told her where to go and she had to argue with him first and then make her own decision on where to land.

One thing I don't like about BNA (if you are in shipping or aerospace you know those letters) is that it takes forever to taxi to the gate. And I didn't see any other aircraft taxiing so I don't know why it took so long to get to the actual gate. Was it a coincidence we had a woman driver? Hmmm.

I also had fun on my return trying to find the shuttle to get to the long term aka "Economy" parking lot. I knew which shuttle to take, I just couldn't actually find the bus stop. Has no one designing airports ever heard of this thing called a "map" whereby you can see graphically where the fucking shuttle bus stop is in relation to everything else in the goddamn airport? Is that so hard to do? I have never used the long term parking so I didn't already know where the stop was, plus they tend to move things around every few years to keep you on your toes. The clever signs at the curb merely indicated what types of busses stopped in the general area, not where they stopped. I simply looked for a large group of people and walked towards it, finding the bus stop with the Economy lot sign, on the backside, partially covered. Thank you, assholes. And this was at 11:30 PM after a four-hour plus flight in between two large men using both armrests the entire flight.

Oh yes and thanks to a bunch of angry Arabs blowing up some planes in 2001 there are massive changes to the security setup at the airport. I had to take my shoes off and run everything except the clothes on my back through the X-Ray machine manned by the Total Screwup Administration (TSA). On the way home they actually backed out my stuff and asked if I had a laptop in my bag. Duh you got an X-RAY MACHINE ASSHOLES! YOU TELL ME! Finally back home I had to walk about 1/4 mile to get out of the terminal here in PHX including walking down two people movers at least 100 yards long. And I get charged an extra $12 for the privilege now, too. Assholes.

I hate flying.